I really don’t know what these people want from me… I DON’T know anything. I DON’T have anything.
Because of what happened, I was advised by my country’s ambassador to IMMEDIATELY leave Shanghai. It was in the middle of the semester at school. My (highly expensive foreign student) tuition fee was fully paid. I was doing well in school and was already supposed to transfer to Shanghai Conservatory (under a scholarship) the following year. I had already built a good social status. I was, for once in my life, sincerely happy! Away from all the destructions… I mean, distractions that my crazy family brings. I was free to be myself and therefore, I didn’t want to leave…but I had to. I had to. I had to.
I had to leave with ONLY my passport, a few money, and some medicine to get me thru my flight. I had to leave ALL of my things in our apartment. I DON’T have possession of any cellular phone of his, no data of any sort – not even our photographs which he took from his phone. No, I have none of those.
Talking about his work was a TABOO. Any attempt to get some information would give me answers like, “NO QUESTIONS.” and “NO WHYs.” He never took any “business” call at any distance where I could possibly hear what he’s saying. He’d step out of the room, even when I was asleep. Whenever I would wake up in the middle of the night while he’s still up working, he’d switch off his computer until I had fallen asleep again.
That’s just how things worked in our relationship. But I loved him… enough to accept all of the things that I had to accept, even when I don’t understand why. I loved him regardless.
A few months before he disappeared, he told me he was worried because he didn’t know how I’ll be able to cope when he leaves for a vacation to Paris on March. He knew I hated being away from him. And he knew he was going to be gone. So he had to prepare me for it.
But he told me he’ll be back…
….It’s been almost four years and he still hasn’t gone back. Although I may have moved on with my life, there is still a part of me that is being held back by that incident. And most important of all, although my love for him may have faded, there is still a big part of me that cares. And I especially abhor it when people who PRETEND to care take advantage of that single string that I have left connected to him.
I’m just so tired of getting emails, phone calls, text messages, Facebook messages, et alii from these a-type assholes. I’ve already learned my lesson when Soul took away all of my money. I’m not going to be fooled again.
So screw them all!!!